Good and Bad, Mostly Bad, Ways to Fill Your Empty Soul: #35 Binge Watch TV


What it Entails:

Give in to the red devil commonly known as “Netflix.”

It’s Friday night, you could have made plans, you could have seen friends, you could have done… something.

Instead, it’s 8pm, you just finished eating your take out food and you’ve settled down on the couch in front of the TV with a gallon-sized container of ice cream and a spoon. If this is date night with yourself, you may even have a stick of cookie dough in your freehand.

Allow your eyes to glaze a little as you burn your way past the hour of midnight and through season finale after season finale.

1. You understand every conversation about TV shows at any given social gathering.
2. You can do this in your pajamas.
3. House of Cards.

1. Necessitates investing in a high quality couch.
2. Watching TV shows may inspire you to discuss TV shows with others, or engage in social activities, this is to be avoided at all costs.
3. You’re going to have to go out to get a few more sticks of cookie dough.

Good and Bad, Mostly Bad, Ways to Fill Your Empty Soul: #34 Save the Pandas

panda eating bamboo

What it Entails:

Let us first consider what a panda is. A panda is a bear that measures 4-6 feet at the shoulder and is classified as a carnivore. Despite this pandas choose to eat bamboo, a food almost devoid of nutritional value. As a result of this, the majestic black and white beast you see pictured to the left needs to eat 20-30 lbs of food each and every day, and as a consequence, defecates up to 40 times every 24 hours. Lovely.

So, Save the Pandas… Seems like the Pandas have given up on life, hope and survival on a species-wide level. Wouldn’t it be more respectful to let them march quietly into the night?

1. Cutest large predator in existence.
2. Should pandas ever become plentiful fewer people will be offended by that nifty panda skin rug that you want for your den.
3. Yet another way for humanity to assert dominance over an animal species.

1. The species has actively been trying to go extinct since it took on its near pure vegetarian diet.
2. One more dangerous creature left for children’s storybooks to inaccurately depict as friendly and harmless.
3. Some poor zoo handler has to pick up after them…