Good and Bad, Mostly Bad, Ways to Fill Your Empty Soul: #23 Knit a Scarf

Knit a Scarf

Knit a scarf

What it Entails:

Go to a clothing store, preferably a discount clothing store. Pick out a scarf, it’s going to run you ~$5.00. Now, instead of spending that $5.00 you’re going to buy knitting needles, yarn and burn hours on youtube learning how to make that thing from scratch. It will be of lower quality, and cost you far more in terms of hours spent, but now, you’ll have the satisfaction of being able to give people gifts that they don’t like, but feel uncomfortable throwing away.

Did you just realize how evil the elderly are? Because I did. This explains so, so many gifts… Thanks grandma, raisin cookies, my favorite…

1. Knitting needles might not look like weapons, but they’re weapons. Bottom tier, but weapons. Never fear an unarmed mugger again.
2. It’s easy to give people presents, and pretend like you cared, all in one go. It might be the most anti-social creative pursuit of all time.
3. You can pick out the itchiest fabrics of all time, and people will still feel obligated to say “Thank you.” Cue evil laughter.

1. You might learn to enjoy knitting. Then you’ll be that person who knits. That’s a hobby that one tends to keep hidden away.
2. It’s not going to stop with people, you’re going to start making clothes for your pets. Turn back while you still can.
3. You will eventually grow proud of your work. In this, as in so many other things, you will be alone.

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